And Another, then another, followed by a few more before the end

Its seems today, on this day, not yesterday, and not yet tomorrow

I have found a simple muse

with an odd style, that might not amuse

but It pleases me

to see

to post

to write

to dream

when the last time I did all those

was a long long time, long long ago

and now out of the blue

I feel like writing

A storm it is

Words that have no meaning flow through me to my hands

onto keys

it is fun to type when words fly around you

choosing this or that

it is like dancing in the wind after the rain is gone

it feels like the chill in your bones

that you yearn  for

during summer desert months

and what is most fun about these posts

no one knows about them

over a year has past

and now I will not tell a soul

this will be like a diary

I never had one you know

a diary

all I could write in those early years were lists

at least in all the diaries I tried to keep

but now i write words without meaning

to everybody but me

for I know a story that goes with these

It is a story of love of shame of hope of dreams

It is a story of romance of hurt of death

it is not a story of me

it is a story I see when I look to a tree

you used to always look at that tree

I don't know why

but you liked that tree

know you look at it no more

I called you

many many times

but you never came

I'm sorry that I did not look earlier

If I had known...

oh but I DID know

I felt it in my bones

when I said hello

but you were no there for goodbye

I should have screamed and yelled and looked for you

but my mind was occupied by fights and fear

and I forgot about you

I am sorry

I really did love you

I should have tried to find you for a goodbye

if I did..

would it have been different?

What is sad

probably not

i wish I could run all over

looking for you

crying your name

but I am leaving again

to a place I am not for the first time dreading

I have not finished but that was because

I was lazy

I was stupid

I should have known better

but I do know better and that is why I was lazy

why work when no fruits will be born from the labor?

maybe I could hide for a while

then

I do not know

They require me there

prepared

but I am not

and I am scared

but what I must prepare confuses me

they prepared badly now I must deal with their mistakes

Why me! why why why?

why must I be so pathetic

why must i  be so

oh, I don't know

I wish I was brilliant

have the ability to think

I wish i were a star in the sky

or the moon

so I may smile at everyone

but I am trapped and confused

in a tiny body

whose ripping at the seams

from a soul that is to big for it

I wish I was invisible...