Disney = EVIL :P

Disney Princess


According to Disney a princess is kind and caring, beautiful and modest, polite and witty, educated and trusting, and you cannot forget the most important aspect utterly and inexplicably perfect. She is as posed as she is graceful and brave. She cares deeply about her people and does everyth…. (5 min later)…(10 min later) … ahh sorry about that, I had to go and rinse myself of the utter unrealistic images that Disney portrays in its classics.

A child learns how to be brave and how to face their fears by watching our favorite princesses face off against their antagonists. Although if you were to re-watch many Disney classics you will see the fearless prince dreamy facing off while little Miss. Perfect stands outside of the ring cheering him on. Heaven forbid she fights she might break a nail. And fight if she must she uses every one of her feminine wiles to distract the evil doer as the charmingly brave prince comes up with a cunning plan to defeat the hideous villain. A perfect example for this is Jasmine from the Disney classic Aladdin. We watch as our hero Aladdin tries to subdue the king of farmer's tan Jaffar , to buy him time Princess Jasmine starts to kiss Jaffar. wow that is really what we want to teach our children : when in doubt make out. Pleasant.

True love at first sight. Girl sees boy, girl falls in love, boy hears girl, boy falls in love, boy has no fricken clue who girl is, girl has no fricken clue who boy is, a match made in heaven. Disney heaven that is. As we watch any classic Disney movie we can find many common denominators, an important one would be how easy it is to find true love and how it is even easier to recognize it. In the Little Mermaid the red headed mermaid princess Ariel falls in love with a human she rescues from certain death. Event though she did not find out his name, age, job, personality she still gave up her voice just to be with him, for all she knew he could have been married with three kids, two cats, one dog, and half a pet gold fish. The human turns out to be no other then a prince. Big surprise there. The prince fell in love with Ariel, well not really Ariel but her amazing voice. Does he know what she looks like? no. Does he know her hair color at least? no. You can tell that this relationship is going to be very successful. You the reader decide whether that was sarcasm or not.

Disney classics are some of the most perverted cartoons known to man excluding the Simpsons and Family Guy. How!!? you may ask or When!!? is also a likely choice of question. When ever I bring up this point during discussions (yes i have discussions about Disney movies) people look at me with calculating eyes, it is as if they are trying to see into my mind. Alas that is a subject for another time. Well moving along I shall give proof to my claims. In Snow White the prince opens her glass coffin and kisses her. He kissed a dead girl. I would also like you to use your imagination on how the apple came out. note no peck on the lips would do that. I wonder what was going on in his head when he opened a coffin and kissed a dead girl.

It is said that the eyes are the window to the soul. Disney princesses must have huge eyes or all the princes are shallower then a puddle in the dessert. Disney princesses are known for their extreme kindness to all things living. They are a proof that good souls triumph over the bad. In Cinderella you have well Cinderella as good as good souls get. She cares about animals and people. Due to her pure heart the prince falls for her. No wait, he does not event know her, he does not know she is an animal lover, he would have not event spoken to her but alas poor little other girls who were fawning over mister prince's heart Cinderella was prettier then them. That is the reason the prince danced with her. He wanted a fetching queen not a smart educated one but a queen who is appealing to the eye.

Ahh yes what do Disney classics teach kids? Is it kindness or is it vanity? Is it that love is at first sight or that we should grab onto a crush and never let it go? I guess one could find themselves describing a Disney princess as a little harpy who quickly spots her prey and just as quickly reels it in using her harpy powers and the prey's ability to forget about the inside then she goes off and lives happily ever after.